why hast thou forsaken me?

I'm one of what some would call the lucky ones: I have a family and a small handful of friends who love me.  Even so, I often feel so completely alone in the world that my own life sometimes feels like a burden too heavy to bear.  I understand why it is that suicide has become, very literally, a silent epidemic.

The world has gone point-blank mad and it seems that so many people (except those who have money) are trying desperately just to survive.  You would think that in the midst of such profound darkness in the world, professing Christians would seek solace in each other; that Christians ~ of all people, would appreciate the importance and value of genuine community.  But I have yet to find any such community outside of my own very tiny circle.

Yet there is an even more overwhelming feeling of abandonment and isolation, than merely to feel unloved by other people.  At least if I believe that God loves me, there is hope.  But what if ~ by all outward appearances ~ it seems as though even God has forsaken me?  What hope is there for me then?

I confess that I have often wrestled with such feelings ~ as a Christian.  But being a Christian, I never dared to give expression to such thoughts and feelings, fearing that it would be a great offense to God ~ in the case that He had not actually abandoned me.  After all, if in His wisdom He may see fit to allow me to suffer through trials and difficulties, should I not understand that God still loves me, even if He allows such things toward me?

But it becomes much harder to hold on to faith, when trials and difficulties persist for what seems like a very long time.  Is God not hearing my prayers?  Has He not given promises in His Word, of deliverance?  Where, then, is my deliverance?  Am I deceiving myself, to suppose that I am obedient to God?  Am I harboring some darkness in my heart that I am unwilling to let go of?  Am I being punished for some heinous sin(s) of my past?  Do I not really believe?  Did God, somewhere along the way, just get tired of dealing with me and . . . has God forsaken me?

"My God, why have you forsaken me?" is a question that I have dreaded ever to be whispered even within my mind.  But I've heard those words, somewhere, before.  Oh, yes, I remember....

In his darkest hour, in the furnace of his most fiery trial (yes, he was tried: Hebrews 2:10), Jesus ~ nailed to a cross, beaten and bloody, suffocating and dying ~ said (out loud): "My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?" (Mark 15:34).  The prophet David gave us some deeper insight into the mind of Christ; where the Holy Ghost revealed, through David, the following words of Jesus: "My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me? why art thou so far from helping me, and from the words of my roaring?" (Psalm 22:1).

Jesus was not merely mouthing words that he was "supposed to say," while on the cross.  Those were his dying words.  Jesus evidently felt that he was forsaken by God ~ just when he most needed Him.  And he said so.  

Why are you so far from helping me, God?  Why do you seem not to hear my desperate pleadings, the "words of my roaring"?  Why have you forsaken me?

Too, I remember Job.  His suffering was unimaginable.  In a single day, evidently, Job lost all of his children, to death, as well as all of his wealth, to his enemies.  Job didn't blame God.  But he prayed.  Oh! how he prayed!  And prayed.  And about the time that Job, perhaps, expected to be comforted and helped by God ~ things got even worse.  Listen to what Job said: "I was not in safety, neither had I rest, neither was I quiet; yet trouble came" (Job 3:26).  Trouble upon trouble: sickness and affliction, to exacerbate the pain of his heartache and deep poverty....

So great was his anguish, that Job began to lament his own existence.  He could not bear his own life.  He wanted to die.  But at the very bottom of his ocean of grief, when Job found himself scratching at the bedrock of his own soul, for any sign of hope, Job made a critically important choice: which we can perceive in these his own words: "Though he [God] slay me, yet will I trust in him" (Job 13:15).

That is the very same choice that Jesus made, on the cross; which choice he expressed in these words: "Father, into thy hands I commend [deposit, entrust] my spirit" (Luke 23:46).

It was never so dark a time in Jesus's life, as when he uttered those his dying words.  But his life and his story didn't end there.  Most assuredly, it did not end in defeat.  But Jesus was about to experience the greatest victory and glory he had ever known (as a human being), in his Resurrection and exaltation.  Neither did Job's life and story end in defeat.  But God did at length deliver Job, and blessed him with twice as much as he had before his trials.

I believe that true members of the body of Christ are being tried very deeply right now.  Do we not understand, by the Word and the Spirit of God, that we are on the very threshold of Christ's appearing?  Is not the time of our exaltation now at hand?  Surely, it is.  Then, dare we ~ even if we are powerfully tempted by our circumstances ~ to suppose that God has actually forsaken us? in the time of our greatest need?

It is not so.

What can we then do?

We can allow God to use our own difficulties and trials, to turn those into great blessing and a powerful force for Christ's sake.  Do we feel unloved in the world?  Then, we can become Love in the world.  Do we feel alone?  Then, we should understand that others around us must feel even more alone than we do (for, at least, we have Christ with us): and we can reach out to let them know that they need not be alone.

But we must be bold enough to dare to engage, and to be real, with others, even with strangers.  And we must be no less bold with those who are much more familiar to us ~ yet, who oftentimes may seem to treat spiritual things (love, peace, thoughtfulness, kindness) with so little care.

The world of men is indeed dying.  People all around us are slowly dying of disappointment, heartache, loneliness, fear, depression, hopelessness.

We ourselves feel, deeply, the darkness of the world.  But we are not that darkness.  Nor does it have any place in our own soul.  There is something we can do about it, both for ourselves and for others around us: we can cling to the Word of God, and share the same with others ~ all of whom desperately need love and hope:

I will praise thee, O LORD, with my whole heart; I will shew forth all thy marvellous works.  I will be glad and rejoice in thee: I will sing praise to thy name, O thou most High.  When mine enemies are turned back, they shall fall and perish at thy presence.  For thou hast maintained my right and my cause; thou satest in the throne judging right.  Thou hast rebuked the heathen, thou hast destroyed the wicked, thou hast put out their name for ever and ever.  O thou enemy, destructions are come to a perpetual end: and thou hast destroyed cities; their memorial is perished with them.  But the LORD shall endure for ever: he hath prepared his throne for judgment.  And he shall judge the world in righteousness, he shall minister judgment to the people in uprightness.  The LORD also will be a refuge for the oppressed, a refuge in times of trouble.  And they that know thy name will put their trust in thee: for thou, LORD, hast not forsaken them that seek thee.  (Psalm 9:1-10)